I started wondering how many of the things I do, I do because I should being doing them vs how many things I do out of a authentic desire to do them?
I think somewhere along the way, I might have got brainwashed into this “should” business. I really hate that feeling when I am doing one thing, but unable to be fully being present while doing it, because one of the committees in my head thinks I should be doing something else.
I am finding that sometimes that feeling is rooted in the character defect of people pleasing, but other times it’s because I’ve procrastinated on something to the point where now I HAVE to do it or I’ve said “Yes” when I really meant “No” and overcommitted myself. My most humorous discovery is that sometimes I make my own misery because I have an idea about something before it’s really time to do it. Everything has its own timing. And I can’t count the number of times I have had a thing to do on my list for weeks, or sometimes months, allowing it eat at my conscience and then all of the sudden, a very naturally arising desire to do this very thing bubbles up and Voila!, I get it done!
I see clearly now all this is the Superwoman Syndrome cleverly disguising herself, thinking I won’t recognize her! Once again I get the reminder from the Universe of whose in charge and it’s not me! Regardless of what’s on my To Do list, when I am willing to be faith-filled in my actions at all times, everything get done precisely when it is supposed to get done and I have alot more peace!