I can’t believe it, but I’ve started thinking about this year’s Christmas season already and I had the wonderment:  ”Why don’t we all have Christmas registries?”  This sure would take some of the stress and certainly the guessing out of the Christmas shopping experience.

And then I wondered, “Why reserve registries for only weddings and baby showers?”  So being inspired by my wonderment, I set-up an online wish list and shared it with my family.

Do you ever have this experience when your “ego-self” looks at your “God-self” and wonders why you are not acting like a maniac over a situation that would normally throw you into fits?

One of my friends, Rick Morgan, made this comment on my post about Depression:

Now, if you really want to go down the rabbit hole… Many leading quantum physicists agree that there are an infinite number of parallel universes that exist in very close proximity, and that our consciousness exists in the universe that matches our vibrational frequency. I believe that we shift through these universes at will by changing our own vibration/emotional state. So, when we I force myself to be happy and expect good things to happen for me and my family and friends, I’m actually shifting to a reality where those things exist. So, do you want the blue pill, or the red pill, Neo?

I thought the commentary was too good not to share and I suppose I feel like going down a rabbit hole this morning with deep thinking.  I have often pondered the probability of what he presents here and I am coming to the conclusion that, while it may defy logic, the experiences I’ve had support this theory to be true.

I frequently find myself vacillating between what feels like different worlds.  From all outward appearances, I am still present, but it’s like the inside of me has gone somewhere else.  ”Lost in a daydream” does not quite describe the experience, although I do experience being momentarily lost in daydreams and I do think that is probably a “short trip” form of time travel.  What I thought was so striking about Rick’s comment was that it presents time travel as the movement of our consciousness, rather than our physical manifestations.  I think “time travel” as we define it here happens to us all the time as a very natural thing that occurs without our awareness.  I think we all experience it, we just label it as weird, freaky, unbelievable, unexplainable, coincidental, bizarre…anything but time travel!  Time travel seems to have acquired this taboo reserved exclusively for the mad scientist, not to mention the assumption that it must be our physical manifestations that travel, which of course, makes the whole deal very un-plausible, hence the madness!

Back in March 2006, a poem called “This World That” chased me down demanding to be written.  It was an explanation to my lover addressing his frustration with my attentiveness or lack of it.  It describes my vacillating between worlds and how he can tell it in my eyes. To go to the blog post, click here.  The movement of our consciousness between realities is not really paranormal, it is only perceived as paranormal because we put so much of our stock into only the things we can experience with our five senses.  What happened to the validity of our sixth sense?

What is “depression” anyhow?  Is it really real?  It most certainly feels real in the midst of it and yet our feelings are not our facts, or so I’m told.  And why is “depression” seemingly destined to plague writers, artists and scientists?  Is this a special designation that would otherwise be honorable if we didn’t, as a society, judge it different?  If society was built around the eccentricities of artistic and scientific madness, wouldn’t that then be the norm and we might perceive the rest of the world as walking zombies, maniacs engaging in pointless activity, autistic, obsessive-compulsive, lepers or a bunch of heathens???  And in that sense, the word “depress-ion” hardly seems apropos.  It seems “alive-sion” might be better suited.

Is “depression” only perceived as “depression” because of how it looks from the outside?  Would it still be called “depression” if you could see it from the inside?  And for the one who is “feeling” it from the inside, does it feel “depress”ing because it is a battleground between calling and purpose and desire vs. expectation, obligation and responsibility?  And then further compounded by the act of depressing the former in the interest of the latter?

So, for about a week now, we’ve had these wasps outside our door.  At first, I was really annoyed (which I figured out later was really fear–funny how our mind can disguise our emotions), and was busting down their nest with a broom and spraying them with bug killer.  All the while I was doing this, I recognized this slight feeling of guilt registering somewhere deep inside of me, but my mind shrugged it off as “Nah, there is no reason to feel guilty for killing such pesky creatures.  After all they might sting you!  You are just protecting yourself.”

As much as I wanted to believe what my mind was telling me, so I could justify my actions, I just couldn’t shake this odd feeling. It kept bothering me.  A day or so later, with the same mind that was attempting to justify my actions, I thought “I wonder what the symbolism is of the wasp totem?”  So I promptly looked and it here is what it said:

“Animal symbolism of the wasp deals with:  order, construction, communication, involvement, development, progress, team-work and productivity.”  Source:  www.whats-your-sign.com/wasp-animal-symbolism.html

In that instant, I no longer saw the wasps as pests (this was the point I figured out that my annoyance was really fear in disguise). I suddenly saw their presence as a gift because I realized they were bringing me the energy of the things with which I am most struggling right now.

I continue to be amazed (and hopefully always will) at how quickly a new understanding can change our perspective.  And with new perspective, our behavior changes, too.  So now when I go out my door or return home, I stop and observe the wasps in all their glory, honor them for what they represent and how they remind me of the lessons that I am trying to learn.  I can even get up close and peer into their nest as they alternately work and rest, and they don’t rustle about.  It’s like there is a mutual respect. And the thing that really amazes me is that the whole time I was out there trying to clobber them and kill them, they never once swarmed me or tried to sting me.  They just gracefully flew away and came back after I was gone.  They rode the merry-go-round with me long enough for me to get the message why they were there.  And if you are reading this and thinking I’m nuts, you are not the only one.  As I type my experience and thoughts here, I think it’s a little “off”, too.  But, hey, people’s perception is their reality, so if you want to change your reality, change your perception!

And here is the real kicker…I am observing that the presence of the wasps is really helping me.  For many, many months now, my desk has been cluttered with stacks of papers, unfinished business, project ideas, etc. and as much as I’ve hated it, I also had taken no action to change it.  Since the wasps came along, and I made my peace with them, I found myself inspired to clear my desk and do some organizing.  And I actually did it, instead of just thinking about it!  And now, when I walk in my office, I dance a little jig because I am so thrilled to be there instead of immediately being overcome with a feeling of dread and defeat.  How I put up with that feeling of ‘defeat before even getting started’ for as long as I did, I really don’t know.  But then again, that’s not the first time I’ve observed myself defaulting to what is familiar, in lieu of what might be in alignment with my truth.

Wasp energy, anyone?

Do you ever wonder why we must have times without purposeful vision?  Or times without inspiration?  In the midst of times like these I am prey to wonder what is the purpose of this?  Why must I go thru times like these?

Over the last several weeks, I have found myself vacillating in and out of times just like this.  And it seems to me, although my perception is not always reality, that it’s happening at a time when I desperately need vision and the inspiration to carry it out.  I have the fortunate responsibility of being at the helm of a rapidly growing company and times without vision or inspiration just seem to be an unnecessary stall in the grand scheme of things.

But let me tell you the flip side of this same coin.  Work has always been a place where I could isolate from living life, all the while thinking I was living life.  Funny how we can delude ourselves!  It was so easy to conjure up delusions of grandeur about how I was making a difference with my work, all the while relationships with people I cared about the most were going unattended.   Long story short, I had wrapped up my identity in my work so much that the two became inseparable.  Somewhere along the way, work was no longer just work, it became who I was.  The unfortunate nature of finding yourself in this place is that when you realize that your “works” have become your life source, you must also admit that you are without faith.  Faith without works is dead and works can’t substitute for faith no matter how many times you attend church.

So in the midst of coming to truths with this realization, I began praying earnestly for relief from the bondage of work.  This has, no doubt, been a process and not an event.  And for as long as I was work-identified, it will most likely be a life-long process.  But more is always revealed.

And more has been revealed.  During these times without vision or inspiration, I have discovered it is a really awesome experience to become aware of how God is answering your prayers, but still be experiencing the change.  Most of my experience before now has been the realization of a prayer being answered after the fact, not so much during the process of change.  And I am always in awe of how my prayers get answered.  It is never simple, it’s always complex and much richer and deeper than I expected.  Answered prayers always catch me by surprise.

So I now unequivocally understand my truth about this drought of vision and inspiration.  As someone who, for the better part of my working life, has always been blessed with vision and inspiration, I learned to over-rely on that gift in the vein of seeking my identity thru work.  In the process of earnestly seeking redemption from the bondage of work and being willing to do things differently, these times of drought have been a blessing.  While I have felt disconnected without vision and inspiration, it has also left me with nothing to which I could attach myself.  It is almost like God’s gift of time-off, so that I could start to learn what it feels like to have balance between work and rest.  To learn work’s proper place in my life.  To have work, but not be identified with it.  To know that being grateful for work is not the same as being identified with work.   To learn that being responsible for my contribution to the finances is not a license to work to the detriment of important personal relationships.  To learn that a life’s work does not mean I must spend all of my life at work.  To learn that time-off from work is just as critical work as the work itself.  To learn that work is a part of life, but being a part does not make it the whole.

Do you ever wonder why we worry? I do. I mean it’s not like the act of worrying helps ward off trouble or anything. So why then do we do it? I was reading this morning in a daily devotional by Melody Beattie, “A Journey to the Heart“, and she suggests that worry is a form of self-punishment and not trusting. So I wonder to myself what is the purpose of worrying? Apparently nothing productive. Worrying is the just the act of manifesting our fears. “We get so caught up in our fears that we don’t take the responsible steps we need to take. By neglecting our lives due to worry and fear, we may bring needless consequences upon ourselves”, says Beattie. I was once told that what we focus on is what grows, so if worrying is the act of focusing on our fears maybe its power to make us feel better is just a self-concocted illusion that is really self-defeating. So why then is worrying so often our first line of defense? Why wouldn’t praying be a first line of defense instead? Is worrying just an aversion tactic to avoid praying? Do we have so little humility, that we would rather worry than get down on our knees? Is it only by drinking the poison of worry that we can be grateful for the grace of prayer?

I wonder if your ability to physically balance on one side vs. the other is any indication of the balance in your analytical (left-brained) life and your creative (right-brained life)??? I am taking this yoga class and today we were working on balancing poses. As we switch from the left side to the right side, I observe myself having better, more stoic balance on my right side. I wonder to myself “Is this is any indication that I may have better balance in my creative life today than I do my analytical life?” I am right-handed, so perhaps my fine motor skills are more tuned on my right side. I considered this possibility, but it still left me wondering. Now that I am consciously aware of this, I will watch myself over the coming weeks and see if my physical balance wanes from one side to the other congruent with my insides. I have been told that things is the physical world are only a manifestation of my inner world. Perhaps I am getting more insight than I bargained for with this yoga class!

I wonder why so many of us are plagued with the eroding defect of procrastination?

I frequently read passages from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Adundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy and while all of her passages are good, some really cause words to press against my flesh and compel me to write in exchange for my daily sanity. How often do I procrastinate and think I will do it later rather than seizing the moment of inspiration? And how often do I ever come back and do it later? Not very often. Procrastination is a corrosive thread that really has no place in and about a life of serenity. When I procrastinate, in my sub-conscious, all day I am focused on the thing I should have done, but didn’t do, whether I realize it or not. I am looking at the day with “glass-half-empty-glasses” focusing on lack rather than abundance. In her passage “Calling Forth Our Gifts”, Sarah explores the idea of procrastination in the context of choosing to pursue our gifts from Divine moments of inspiration and begins with the notion that we are all artists of our own life with the best of both worlds—the gift of “free will and the passion of serving.”

“The artist is a servant who is willing to be a birthgiver. I believe that each work of art, whether it is a work of great genius, or something very small, comes to the artist and says ‘Here I am. Enflesh me. Give birth to me.’ And the artist either says, ‘My soul doth magnify the Lord,’ and willingly becomes the bearer of the work, or refuses.” -Madeleine L’Engle from Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art.

Sarah goes on to say,

“Whether or not we serve is entirely our choice. God’s first gift to us is free will. Perhaps one day we’ll realize that it’s not the will of God we need to fear as much as being left to our own deceits and devices.”

It takes great courage often times to say “No” and being able to say “No” is an ability that when left without can make one very miserable. But where is that invisible line between “No” and “Yes”? There really isn’t a universal answer to that because the answer is so personal to each person. But let me ask a more fundamental question. How often do we say “No” to moments of Divine Inspiration? Do we say,

“Sorry, find someone else. And Spirit will. To be fair, sometimes we don’t literally use those words. Sometimes we say ‘Sorry, I just can’t get my act together right now. Come back later.’ So the Great Creator moves on until a willing artist with an open heart offers to become the creative conduit. This scenario goes a long way in explaining why you are heartbroken, bewildered, and furious when, after diddling around for years, someone else…introduces to the world a creative idea so similar to yours it makes you swoon. The bottom line is that the Work must be brought forth. If you don’t do it, someone else will. So when the great idea flashes across your mind surrounded by Light, pay attention! Once it exists in your mind, realize that other brain waves soon will be able to pick up the creative energy pattern if they are receptive. Think of your mind as a satellite dish. Creative celestial messages are continuously being transmitted. The frequency is jammed—privy only to your soul.”

It’s almost as if for that moment God chooses the person whose mind the Idea has entered. And then what do we do with that gift from there? Do we act on it? Or do we let the circumstances of our day dictate that we can’t act upon our moment of inspiration thereby making an un-conscious choice to say “No”? Isn’t procrastination really a cleverly disguised form of saying “No”? Yet it is so baffling because we think we are just saying “No” for the moment when really, in our hearts, we know we won’t come back to it. Someone once told me that 99.9% of my decisions I wasn’t making. At first I didn’t understand that and I was even more confused after he supported his point, but I have pondered that over the years letting the clarity I sought ruminate in my mind and today, I understand why this is a true statement. At the root of it lies procrastination!

I wonder why it is that “we let people run around ‘naked’ and pretend to admire the hat they are wearing”?

Recently, I was reading a passage from Jesus, CEO by Laurie Beth Jones. This is a book that I have had for a long while, but just recently decided to pick it up. The particular point she is making in this passage speaks to “calling the question”.

She goes on to say how amazing it is that we often honor each others’ illusions. This really struck home with me because I can recall a time when I was so wrapped up in the web of my own illusions, I had no idea I was not living in reality. People would try to tell me and I would argue “What do you mean it’s an illusion? It can’t be an illusion, I am living this! This IS reality! MY reality!”

Finally, it came down to someone pulling a Dr. Phil on me. “Well, Lisa, how’s that reality of yours working for you?” And the truth was, it was not working well at all! But I didn’t have the first clue how to change it.

We love to discuss more than we like to decide. (pg 93, Jesus, CEO)

It is amazing how people will suddenly fall silent when confronted with their own personal power. It is much easier to whine than to decide. (pg. 94, Jesus, CEO)

Why is this, I wonder? I have recently come to learn that putting life into ACTION is of utmost importance to me if I want to live a rich, full life—the kind upon which I can reflect in hindsight and have no regrets, yet have many stories and lessons learned. While there is certainly a time for talking and discussing, I am learning that is way overrated. What is underrated is taking action. And I don’t know about you, but sometimes the only way I can get out of my quagmire is for someone to call the question. “What are you going to do about it, Lisa?” or “What’s one action you can take to make progress right now?”

I can get so far into tomorrow, that I get paralyzed in today. But when someone calls the question that usually brings me to action. And action is where the fruit of living lies.