While at the park with her, we found a pine cone and threw it for her to fetch. Throw, fetch, return. Throw, fetch, return. Over and over. In the sweetness and simplicity of the moment, it struck me that she was doing exactly what she was meant to do–to retrieve. It was intuitive and easy for her, without thinking about it.

And then I wondered…Why do we people make it so complicated to do what we are meant to do?

Of course, our own talents are not as obvious to us as they are to others? Again, this seemingly begs the wonder: why is it so hard to trust what others see in us, if we know they love us? Perhaps the more fitting wonder is whether we trust ourselves to pursue that which we know is inside of us, or even more hair-raising; would we rather commiserate in our own un-lived life and nurse the fear of our own greatness?

So, now being one that wonders about life, I got curious and I resorted to Webster’s. Here’s what I found:

Expectation: a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future; a belief that someone will or should achieve something.

Standard: quality, level, grade, caliber, merit, excellence; principle, ideal; code of behavior, code of honor, morals, scruples, ethics

What jumps out at me right away is the difference between what’s within our realm of control and what isn’t. “Expectation” is all about something outside of us, whether that be a goal we want to attain or a measure for another person; “standards” are all about things within us, things within our realm of control, choices we can elect for ourselves.

It seems that where we get confused is in thinking that we have control over someone else’s standards. We may have influence (positive or negative), but influence and control are not the the same thing.

So, it’s not a wonder that when someone says “Lower your expectations”, that what is heard is “Lower your standards”. When we have crossed that invisible line into placing expectations on another person’s standards, aren’t we really just trying to mind their insides, so we don’t have to tend to our own?

It is much more challenging, yet rewarding, to act in a manner congruent with the inner knowledge that my standards are personal to me and, likewise, others are personal to them, and they don’t all have to be the same. My expectations are exactly that, MY expectations—and those have no bearing on what might actually happen other than to set us up for disappointment or to get us so focused on that exact thing happening that exact way, that we entirely miss something way better is unfolding.

My expectations are inversely proportional to my my level of peace. The higher my expectations, the lower my peace; the lower my expectations, the higher my peace.

Standards, on the other hand, are about knowing who you are, what’s important to you, what’s not, what your boundaries are and what’s tolerable. As with anything though, “standards” are not without their risks. They give us easy ground from which to judge others—higher ground.

I’ve recently had some very interesting wonderments about this statement. I spent a great many years with a certain disdain for organized religion. While I certainly have times marked with good memories while participating in church and related activities, deep down I was plagued with bothersome feelings for which I could not quite formulate words. For years, I disguised these feelings as an intellectual curiosity, under the guise of “seeking to understand”. I thought I had to understand it with my head before I could believe it in my heart. Understanding was the cause and belief was the effect.

As I meandered along my own personal journey of discovering what a connection to God actually felt like, I also started to discover the source of my previous disdain. And this quote from Jesus lay at the core of it. As I’ve grown in my relationship with God, I eventually came to put words to those previously indescribable, bothersome feelings–this inner observation that the purveyors of religion believed they were in sole possession of the Truth.

So herein lies my wonderment: Is is possible that what Jesus meant by this statement was that he, in his essence, was his own way; his own truth; and his own life–that his source for the peace, prosperity and goodness of life was the God-source that laid within him? And is it possible that what he was offering with this quote was that the same was true for all of us? That we all are born in the eyes of God and thus all have an innate source of God within our being; one that we can harness as our own personal Source of God to help us find our way, our truth and ultimately learn how to live our life in service to that authority within us?

So then what is money? Time (in theory) could be money. Creativity could be if the result is monetized. But soulful conversations, prayer and meditation miserably fail this test. We don’t engage in these things with the result of money in mind.

So maybe money is completely beside the point. Time is Creativity=TRUE. Time is Soulful Conversations=TRUE. Time is Prayer=TRUE. Time is Meditation=TRUE. Time is Money=SOMETIMES.

I wonder what would happen if, as a society, we all started to see the purpose of marriage as the latter and started to behave congruently with that belief?

I think somewhere along the way, I might have got brainwashed into this “should” business. I really hate that feeling when I am doing one thing, but unable to be fully being present while doing it, because one of the committees in my head thinks I should be doing something else.

I am finding that sometimes that feeling is rooted in the character defect of people pleasing, but other times it’s because I’ve procrastinated on something to the point where now I HAVE to do it or I’ve said “Yes” when I really meant “No” and overcommitted myself. My most humorous discovery is that sometimes I make my own misery because I have an idea about something before it’s really time to do it. Everything has its own timing. And I can’t count the number of times I have had a thing to do on my list for weeks, or sometimes months, allowing it eat at my conscience and then all of the sudden, a very naturally arising desire to do this very thing bubbles up and Voila!, I get it done!

I see clearly now all this is the Superwoman Syndrome cleverly disguising herself, thinking I won’t recognize her! Once again I get the reminder from the Universe of whose in charge and it’s not me! Regardless of what’s on my To Do list, when I am willing to be faith-filled in my actions at all times, everything get done precisely when it is supposed to get done and I have alot more peace!

This seems like such a ‘normal’ and healthy thing to do for a loved one and we do it under the guise of ‘encouragement’.  But where do we cross that invisible line from being encouraging to creating a ‘should’ for them–unintentionally making the things at which they are naturally gifted an obligation to meet our expectations, rather than a pursuit of joy?

Should we not all have the opportunity to genuinely pursue our interests for the sake of their intrinsic pleasure and be free from our loved one’s expectations?

Someone told me once “Say it once and that’s fine, but if you find yourself saying it repeatedly, that’s controlling.”  Do we try to control or loved ones and make it look like ‘encouragement’?

New Definition of Encouragement for Loved Ones:  Create space and opportunity for them to pursue their interests and let them do with it as they see fit, even if that appears like nothing.

I once read a story about a girl in college that was stumped on a writing assignment.  Her assignment was to write a 500-word essay on a historic Theatre on Main Street in the town where she lived.  After days of groveling, she could think of nothing that would be worthy of writing.  She was blocked.  Uninspired.  She went back to the professor for guidance and he suggested she start with the brick in the top left corner, describe that brick and see what happened.  The girl left in a quandary certain that she did not want to spend her essay writing about brick.  But at a loss for anything else to do, she followed the directive of her professor.  She wrote about the first brick and then for lack of anything else to write about, she wrote about the second brick and just as she was finishing her thoughts describing the second brick, however mundane they were, she felt something inside her open up and she was able to write, actually not stop writing.  She wrote a 5000-word essay on the intricate beauty of that old historic Theatre!

So as this is the nature of creativity.  Being blocked artistically, I think is really a clever disguise for choosing to be a victim of our own procrastination.  I have found this experience to be mine over and over.  So many times over, that it was too obvious for me to see. It was too obvious to see that the reason I will sometimes choose to block creativity in the interest of other ‘life’ things, is because subconsciously I know that once you respond to the drip, it quickly becomes a flood.  And thank God it does!  Otherwise, some of the greatest works in history would have never seen life.  The flood is hard to shut off.  And once I get into the flow of it, I don’t really want to shut it off.  It feels good to bathe in urges of creativity.

So I’ve learned that creative impulses are cunning.  They’re fantastically therapeutic and render great works and they are tricksters at the same time.  What it really comes down to at the moment of choice is this:  Am I willing to bathe in the floodwaters of creativity or am I just wanting to shut up this thing in my head?  If the latter, the solution is simple–just deny it life and it will go find another creator who is willing to bring it forth into being.  And I can rest assured that if I am the only artist suitable for the job, it will not cease.  Creativity that is frolicking in the wind riding its currents is content with any creator that catches her drift, but creativity that has already chosen her master is relentless!